I keep waiting for the right time to start this blog. I think now is the right time. Now is as good a time as any.

I’ve asked myself over and over: “Self, what do you want out of this life?” Ok, I never call myself “self.” That part was a lie. The rest is true enough though. What – in all the moments, colors, feelings, doings, explorations and dreamings – what is it that matters most to me?

This question is not as easy as it sounds. You’d think it would be one of the easier things to answer; “What do I want?” . . . how hard is that? If we can’t know that, it seems we can’t know anything.

But then I think maybe that’s the wrong way of looking at things. Maybe it’s those kinds of questions that give us the most trouble, because they require a sense of self that many – most? – of us never achieve. Not to say we’re all in a fog our whole lives as concerns our true selves. Well actually, yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying. I think most of us are in a fog our whole lives as concerns our true selves.

Why is this? (I should say rather “Why do I think this?”) …Well, I think this because maybe we weren’t intended to “know” anything, least of all ourselves. Maybe there isn’t anything to “know,” and searching for the answers (that don’t exist?) makes us more confused than if we just went along without the probing, thinking, pondering, perseverating, and worrying, and just lived.

I guess this didn’t go where I intended, since the title I put down initially has little to do with the rest. Hah… well if that doesn’t prove my point I don’t know what does. What I meant to say was this: Life is hard. Life is confusing. I know it’s also beautiful, but sometimes the foginess makes it hard to see anything else. I’m waiting for the fog to clear.